I think Willow is a song that you need to listen to many times before you love it. I think this because it’s a song that is fun to know. There is a fun beat and a bridge that feels cool to sing along with. When I listened to the albums the first, second, third, maybe even fourth time I did not like the song. Now the familiar beat draws me in and makes me excited as I start listening again. This isn’t a feeling I get with all her songs. Instead some songs, like Champagne Problems and No Body No Crime feel familiar immediately. Does this make Willow a bad song?

Part of me thinks yess, but the other part of me things oh this is obviously a metaphor for literally everything in the world. Everything is bad and weird and uncomfortable at first. Then we get used to it. Johnny actually made this comment about Taylor Swifts music before. I usually dislike her first or second single, and as I keep listening I love them all. I definitely see this reaction in me with many things, it’s something I don’t want to shame myself for but instead explore. Why do I like making these snap decisions? Why did I decide I do or don’t like this person, this restaurant, this apartment?

Maybe it’s because I’ve been meditating more, but I can feel myself deciding to think about my own thinking and examine if they are truthful thoughts or just thoughts. I wonder how much money Miranda Cosgrove has. I need more coffee. How much did the people in The Leftovers make? I’m going to go running later. I’m going to go running later no matter what. These are all thoughts and they happen and exist and then they pass by.

I think I need to work on recognizing jealousy in my life. I can find myself being jealous of almost every single person in my life. I’m not sure if that’s normal in anyway, but I think it requires me to think about what I am jealous of and why. Maybe I stop being jealous of others when I start being really thankful and grateful and happy of what I have here in my life. I think that’s a better way to think about this goal. I want to become more grateful and appreciative of the things in life I have achieved, I have been given, and what surrounds me.


So here are some things to be grateful for right now. Johnny, sleepy in the morning somehow having all the blankets surrounding him. The light that slightly comes in our windows through the blinds. The stripes on our bed. Rainy windows, the view outside our apartment. The weather giving your body an excuse to relax when your mind cannot. Food, specifically eggs, and choosing to eat things you love but also things you know will give you strength and calm your mind about your insecurities.

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A wanderer with a camera.

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